Tuesday, December 21

I had to correct some info

I've edited this post several times now, which is why I stopped posting....I get too over protective of Kate & Matt, info changes day to day & I have messed up on quite a few details (LIKE DONATIONS)

Kate's been doing an excellent job. I haven't posted much lately because it's so emotionally heartbreaking and I hardly know what to write. Not sure if I've even helped Kate...
and/or got much accomplished (please don't write to me about whether or not I'm 'doing a good job'. I don't really care what people think of me....I just want to get a message across. I'm also feeling very mad & sad after Matt's death and probably will not (should not-smile) post anything after this.

Like Kate will discover...and all the many friends Matt had...Time will help ease the pain. But, right now, I just want to write this one thing.

I can't imagine anyone doing ALL that Kate did for Matt while he was in various hospitals, the nursing home..and finally the hospice. No matter how tired she was (and let me tell you she had been running full speed since Oct 4) she would, at the hospice, gown up, put on the mask, gloves, booties and I noticed that she shrugged off all her worries, tiredness and stress to become this sister/nurse for Matt. She always spoke so cheerfully to him no matter what she really felt like. I am not sure I know anyone who could do what Kate did - not only learn some of the basic nursing skills & how to take care of Matt but also keep going when she was running on empty. On top of that, she has tried so hard to focus on Jack and keep doing all the 'mom stuff' - which, at the end of the day, leaves her with hardly any time to rest. I can only do so much since I don't live in Spokane and I think that maybe writing this will be helpful as she is STILL busy, busy, busy. I have NO IDEA how Kate is keeping on going, getting things done, going from meetings to buy groceries to pick up Jack, etc.

As I understand it, the event in Bloomington will be mostly in the tradition of a wake (and I'm paraphrasing Kate) where Matt's friends gather together and celebrate his life. He did not like many of the things associated with a typical funeral. It sounds like whomever is helping Kate plan things is doing a good job - thank you SO much.

The main thing I wanted to point out is that in order to actually get there Kate, Bo need to have funds or everyone will be there except Kate, Bo & Jack. Due to various family circumstances (when it rains, it pours) our family is not in a position to help Kate financially. I wish we were but I feel I need to mention this because I want to make it clear that Kate is scrambling to make things work financially. I shouldn't have written that "Kate's aunts & uncles are helping out financially" but I was writing really fast and actually hadn't had confirmation from them; I was hoping that we (family) could pull enough money together to take care of all the expenses - but I jumped the gun on that one.

The various expenses are so numerous to list that I can't even begin to do that. But, for example, buying gas was a huge expense. We ended up using $30 in gas in one day and all we were doing was going back and forth to the hospice to a grocery store on the way home - nothing major - but the vehicle she was using ate up a lot of gas. That surprised me but also made me realize how costly just the gas expenses were. Another example: Eugene, Matt's dog who is allergic to wheat, needs special high priced dog food; I think he's due for shots, too.

I will say that Kate's aunts and uncles are really being supportive; I've been talking to them more...mainly to be the Info Person, partly because Kate's phone keeps dying but mainly because she's busy trying to coordinate Matt's wake/funeral in Bloomington.

I do want to say that Matt & Kate's dad, Rich, has been awesome throughout this whole time. He's been a rock through all of this and is there for support, etc. except when his job or family emergencies call him out of town. He's been the one that has been there whenever Kate calls.
I mention this because I think I inadvertently didn't write about him. He's always ready to help with Jack and opened his house to Matt's friends while working and taking phone calls & emails left and right. I think Kate is very lucky to have someone like him for support. He's been a rock for me, too.

I know that there are several companies, such as television, newspaper and individuals following this blog. I hope that they might feel the need to donate since they are following this blog (and using that information which somehow is able to be accessed through the internet. I had thought that the only people that could read/follow this blog we those who were sent 'invitations' - but I guess not.
To me, knowing that 'non-invited' people are following the blog feels much the same as knowing uninvited strangers are going through your house, looking at all your personal things. It is stressful and traumatic enough to deal with Matt's death that that kind of thing is very upsetting.
I do hope they want to "put something back in the blog", even though they have no responsibility to do so.

But, like all of us, no one person can pull together enough money (which so many decisions are based on) to totally set things up for Kate so she can do for her brother what he deserved and wanted.
I'm hoping that.....together....we can donate enough to help her do this for Matt.

1 comment:

Stef said...

You are so amazing, Susi. I am so sorry for this loss - for you and for the whole extended family. If he impacted friends and co-workers this much, it can only be more painful a loss for his family. My thoughts are with you.

I, too, think Matt would not want much more than a fine meal and some really good conversation. Some of my best moments with him were doing just that - sometimes cooking together and sometimes sitting in a pancake house until all hours, trying to reason away the universe.

The more we laugh. The more we dispense with the artifice that complicates our lives. The more we truly celebrate Matt.

xo Stef